For me it begins the morning of a performance. I'll start listening to different kinds of music, in some strange mood that I haven't really placed yet. The center of my chest begins to inexplicably open, like a lotus it unfolds into fractal patterns of sensitivity and feeling. The Angel is awakening within me, and I fully realize what is going on. Tonight I will perform. Tonight, the Angel will come whether I am ready or not.
But I have done this for my entire life. To perform, to be on stage, to share the beauty that is Art ... this IS the Magickal State. To be so overcome with Love for what it is that you were given to do, such that you have no choice but to manifest and express The Angel.
By the Angel, I mean the Holy Guardian Angel of course. But it is also simply called the soul. True Self, the Golden Flower, the Sun. The center of the system, the heart. To realize the Angel, means you have got to have an open heart. All hearts are deeply sensitive, all of them. To open is to release the sense of clenching that is the normal human reaction to all the suffering we find ourselves in.
Now, today, there is nothing but to let go into what is going to happen. I will go on to the stage, and disappear. In my place, will be the true Self and Soul of my being. I have no choice in this. I have found myself on stage my entire life, and it is simply the gift given to the artist, that he or she should attain to perfect knowledge and conversation in the act and nature of the performance.
The question of Art is a question of depth. How much skin do you want to shed? How deeply to you want to surrender? How perfectly have you trained your vessel, to nimbly and precisely handle the coming of it, the Over-Soul?
It is a secret of the heart. The Sun, the center of our system ... is a star. The core of this star burns in the center of the chest. Going on stage is a solar storm, emitting flares, causing the northern lights, the aurora borealis that people will witness and feel in the audience. The texture and tapestry of that which is beautiful.
I do not know in my mind, from where the will to perform comes from. It is something bigger than my mind. It is a current that is both before, and the support of my very being here now; and also, the future state of my expression. In this sense, it also pervades everything. The morning of a show, the sense of it is so thick I can smell some sweet fragrance that seems to come from nowhere. It is a like a nectar to me, that creates a physical fuzzy warmth in my chest. And makes me feel as if I had just drank a triple grande caramel machiato from Starbucks.
I'm awake, and will be exponentially so over the next 10 hours leading up to the performance, and then I shall be no more.
The Show Must Go On.
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